So, I fell right off the bandwagon as I've mentioned previously. I was so excited to
get this website built, so what the hell happened? Well...
When you yourself have a mental illness and trauma that you're working through in therapy
sometimes there are factors that hold back your healing. Sometimes those are things you
need to personally work through, and sometimes those are external factors that you have
to be removed before you can put in the work.
When Shaun and I moved in with our friends in February 2024, we did not forsee the
inevitable crumbling of their own mental health. Several meltdowns, spirals, and difficult
discussions later, Shaun and I bought a house and moved in March 2026. The specifics of
what exactly transpired are not mine to share, so I'm not going to go into them. Tl;dr
it was a long two years of tearing down and learning how to be a human with 4 neurodivergent
adults under the same house. I was not able to heal from my own trauma living in the
basement of our friends house, so in the Summer of 2025 we tried to work towards saving
for a downpayment.
Easier said than done, as I'm sure many of you are accutely aware. The housing market just
doesn't exist for people in the "middle class" (if you even want to call it that). Our
budget doesn't exactly afford much wiggle room, so we ended up settling for a new build
manufactured house. The neighborhood is nice, even if the lot rent is more than our mortgage.
So, while I've been able to learn a lot despite being in a stuck position, I can finally
start to try to apply what I've learned in therapy to my actual everyday. Dudes, that's
easier said than done. It's exhausting. While I feel like I'm steadily making progress,
you don't just "finish" healing from trauma. So, for the time being, I'm just going to
keep on keeping on. I think resurrecting this website from an early grave is perhaps a
good start. There's a lot of awful shit on the internet nowadays, and in my own way I'd like
to counter that in some capacity. Even if it's just sharing thoughts, things I've made,
or pages of tiny moving pixels.
What's Next?
Let's get some of the pages I had originally intended to make off the ground, and go from
there. I'd also like to maybe rework some of the color palettes for the pages that exist,
even though I don't necessarily have a better idea of what that shoul d look like.
I picked up cross stitching in the mean time, and I've also been participating in a postcard
exchange, so I'd like to share some of the things I've finished as well as some of the
cards I've received. Physical media is becoming a priority to me, so on my wish list is a
scanner so I can get some stickers scanned in. I'd also like to buy some disposable
cameras - it's hard for me to remember to take photos with my phone camera, which is funny.
I used to take candid photos all the time in high school, but i had a digital camera back
then. Now that it's attached to my phone... idk, it just doesn't cross my mind.
It's easy to fall into a routine where I log off from work and want to rot for the evening.
There are too many games, too many things to craft, that warrant that be my everyday.
I think that's all for now. I'm off to go on a Big Walk with some friends.
Take care
~Enfys
It’s been 2 years, but last friday the d&d group my husband and i are in finally got back together to wrap up what has been a 5 year campaign. We started playing back in 2016, and after a hiatus in 2019, picked it back up temporarily virtually in 2020 for a year or so, before doing another hiatus in 2022. My last in game notes were from aug 27th, 2022. It feels bittersweet to have played this character for so long, to be so close to the end, and know that all of us in the group want our characters to have the proper send off. But we’ve all grown so much as people since we started this campaign, it's hard to say we know what our original intentions were.
Hell, shaun and i weren’t even supposed to be permanent players - just fill-ins for melee roles, because the dm’s family all picked magic classes (minus one paladin). The dm, my longtime best friend from high school, her two siblings and parents, were all relatively inexperienced with d&d to varying degrees. 5e was new and a buzz with all the endless possibilities it offered. I had been playing since 3.5 with my family, and shaun had been introduced to it through me a few years prior. We both had one successful adventure campaign under our belt, and while we were both still learning 5e, had the fundamentals grasped for the most part. That all besides, another friend of the dm joins, bringing the party total to 7: again, the 3 of us intending to be temporary in order for the family party to get their bearings.
Well, that never happened. Both parents, and the dms older sister decide this isn’t the game for them, and step out from the party - the party number totaling back to 4, but we lost all magic users (again, minus the paladin). So here we both are, stuck playing two very stereotypical characters. Myself, with Draubi: at the time, a half-orc berserk barbarian with slight amnesia. I gave him good strength, a decent con, and low wis and int. Y’know - stereotypical big stronk but no brains because “why not? He’s just a temporary character”.
Oh how wrong i was.
Shaun had been wanting to play a rogue in our previous campaign but didn’t get the chance, and since this was supposed to just be a 2 or 3 session thing, he decided to leap at the opportunity to play the most rotten tiefling thief rogue possible. Apathetic, impartial, and greedy are the 3 words that come to mind when i think back on early-game Corvus. Shaun has learned that making difficult player characters that do not like to participate in “yes, and…” is a test in your ability to be a good player for your dm, and your fellow players. We both have come very far in our design choices, looking back almost 10 years later.
Don’t get me wrong, Gravewalkers is a testament to our friend group’s growth: we have had our own trials and tribulations to overcome as we went from freshman/sophomores in college to adults paying mortgages with full time 9-5 jobs. The age old joke of never being able to coordinate a time with your group never applied to us, until it did. Exams, Thesis’, Work, Travel, Family Obligations, Weddings, more Weddings, Moving 3 times in 4 years, and suddenly it’s been 10 months since you even thought about playing (unless you’re my husband, sorry honey). I say this though, so maybe younger players and adventure groups don’t see the long game and get scared, or intimidated. It’s easy to offer advice now, I’ve been in this scene for nearly 20 years, but when you’re 3, 5, or even 8 years experienced? It blends together, especially when you start to play it as a child or teenager. So don’t take it too seriously.
Or do take it seriously, I mean hells, i’m not your parent. I only say that, because sometimes you will disagree with your players on things as a dm. As a player, you’ll think your dm makes bad calls. But gods, don’t take it personally. I think that’s the best suggestion i can make: don’t let a fictional game ruin your friendships. And don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying to ignore the awful, misogynistic, bigoted bull shit your tablemate is spouting while “in character”. Don’t let that fly. But if things get heated because of a misunderstanding? For fucks sake, it’s just a game. Roleplay can have a lot of beautiful, serious moments. But if your player gives you sass because they don’t like an npc? That’s not a reflection of how they feel about you. You hear me?
With this being my first real “blog” post, i’m not really sure what direction i wanted this to go in, and i feel like it says a lot i’m writing this at 3 am. I can’t say for sure if they will be this type of rambling word vomit, or if they’ll be more concise in the future. Don’t be too surprised if they completely change in the future. I still don’t even know how i want my blog format to look.
So yeah…. D&D with your best friends is great. Hopefully it doesn’t take me too long to get some art of my boys up. They mean a lot to me, as i'm sure i'll continue to reveal.
Take care
~Enfys
